I have work to do.

I need to get home, I have work to do. I can't toil here longer. I have work to do.

I know exactly who I am there and what I'm meant to do.I need to get home. I have work to do.

I'll return to the thing my soul was created to do. I have work to do.

I decided to leave and visit here to see what my work was meant to achieve. But now, I need to get  home.

I have work to do.

Now I've seen enough to know that my work is important and that I need to go. I have work to do.

When I arrive home I know just what to do, where to start and where to finish.  I need to get there.

I have work to do.

At home I am strong, I am certain, I am sure. I need to get home. I have work to do.

I won't waste time, I 'll get right to work doing what my soul knows to do. As soon as I get there I'll begin. I have work to do.

Though it's not up to me, I don't get to choose. But I need to get home. I  have work to do.

Now I'll wait for the call to come in the night, "Hurry on Home, you have work to do!"

Crepe Myrtles and House Deams

 I thought of you when I saw these Crepe Myrtle Blossoms. Grandma bought me this tree many years ago, because we always admired the Crepe Myrtles on the corner at Riverside Park. Every August they put on a spectacular show of pink and purple. We waited with excitement for this one to bloom the first year it was planted and.....nothing. One year it had one white bloom and all the years following....nothing. Every year I hoped, but didn't have much  confidence. I moved it, fertilized it, asked around at nurseries for tips and it still never bloomed. I mostly just gave up on it. Until this year, a miracle happened. It bloomed gloriously!

It reminded me of the dream I told you about, the "House Dream" where I discovered that  everything we needed was right there in the house. As you know these are my favorite dreams, the house that starts out small and once inside it gets bigger and bigger with more and more potential. There are always interesting and curious things inside. In this particular dream I discovered that the house was full of antiques, pianos in fact. So many that we could easily sell off many of them and still have an amazing collection. I hadn't even noticed they were there before. In the dream we wanted to build a studio and this was the way to easily afford it. Every thing we needed was right there in front of us!

Ok, I know you are wondering what does a Crepe Myrtle and a "House Dream" have in common? Nothing on the surface but everything underneath. I had given up on the Crepe Myrtle, even thinking of pulling it out and starting over, but the potential of the Crepe Myrtle blooming was always there even though I couldn't see it and could barely imagine it. That's why it reminded me of the "House Dream". So often I have planted the seed of an idea, so full of potential, only to give up on it when it doesn't manifest in the time frame that I assigned it. These blossoms reminded me, like the dream, that all of the things we want and need really are right there, but so often we are blind to them because they aren't showing up in the way we imagined they would. The tree had fabulous blooms inside, I just hadn't yet figured out how to release them.

The Crepe Myrtle Blooms gave me the same sense of excitement and hope that the "House Dreams" do. I realized that even the oldest of dreams and desires are never dead! They can show up anytime or renew when we least expect it. I had the sense of "it's never too late". I also realized that if I had given up on this tree I would have never seen it bloom. I would have never seen it's true potential. I would have planted a new tree with it's own potential and beauty, but it couldn't have taught me this lesson to share with you.

The House and the Tree are the same, they remind me that within the smallest and homeliest of things there is great potential, if we look for it. That the best things don't always show up shiny, and you know how I love "shiny things". They don't always show up fast and fancy or big and bold, but quiet and frustratingly slow, but they do show up! It reminds me too to the tending our hopes and dreams need. Just like the tree, it needed me to check in on it, feed it, water it and believe in it without demanding that it bloom now!

I finally know what the "House Dream" means! It's my love of turning nothing into something. My excitement at witnessing something transform, my ability to SEE the potential.

It reminds me of something Einstein said, that Energy can not be created or destroyed only transformed. What potential do we have waiting to be transformed?

A Promise

I Promised, a million years ago or it might have been yesterday or maybe in a dream, that I would be here Today, on This Hour, in This Moment to remind you of who you Really Are.

You said that you might get wrapped up, distracted or forget entirely why you came, what you wanted to do, or who you meant to be. And you said that you might need a reminder, a clue, or someone to shout to get back on your path. 

 I Promised I would be here, on This Day, in This Hour, at This Moment.

You began to worry, if I am lost, or turned around, or in great despair or if I am in Love or chasing a Dream, or Jumping from a Plane how will I know you?

I smiled knowingly and began...I will be the "right turn only" sign, when you've asked "which way". I will be the song on the radio crooning  "turn around" in your moment of confusion. I will be the phone call of a long lost Friend when your 
Heart is the heaviest. 
I will be the "I've known you forever" feeling of a brand new love, I will be the inspiration in your Wildest Dream, And I will be the Parachute when you exit the plane.

And then you asked, and where will you be until then? I was thoughtful for a moment and then I understood. I will be the light in a perfect Sunset, you will see me in the smile of an impossibly beautiful child, the petals of an exquisite flower will remind you of me. But most of all I will be the suspicion that you are not alone, the memory that you are loved, and the joy of every triumph.

And you will instantly Know that... I promised to be here on This Day, in This Hour, and at this Moment to Remind you of Who You Really Are.

To my Black-eyed Susan

When ever I see a Black-eyed Susan I think of  you and of your Grandma. When I was little she called me her little Black-eyed Susan, a term of endearment,  because my eyes are very close to black I suppose. 
I knew I was precious to her when she used that name and the sentiment was the same when I used it for you. Until now neither of us every planted Black-eyed Susan in our gardens. It was as if it were almost too special, too precious to have in our yards. It was that  glimpse of one every summer that held a little magic, as if just for that second we were getting a peak at one of our souls. Strangely, I never thought about it in those terms before, just as I'm writing this to you, it dawned on me that this little flower held such symbolism for me.
That brings me to the topic I wanted to share with you.
You and I are so much the same in so many ways. I'm often afraid that I've pass on to you my worst traits. I recently read "The Healing Codes" by Dr. Alex Lloyd. In it he shows scientific proof that cells of people related to one another respond to each other. He tells why it's possible for a Mother to wake up in the night hundreds of miles away from her child, knowing that there is something wrong with the child. Or why twins often feel each others pain. He even shows a scientific study in which people who meet briefly, are affected by each others nervous system. I loved it! and it terrified me. I always had an idea that what I thought and felt could impact you, but this brought it home. I began to realize that it's possible that my own failure to launch, my own despair over my inability to reach my own goals and dreams were not just a bad example but were and are affecting you directly. I began to think more about the ideas Dr. LLoyd wrote about in "The Healing Codes". The idea that genetic and cellular memory of illness and trauma could effect generations hundreds of years on either direction and even more potently one generation. I started to see that if this were true one of us could break the cycle, me for you  or you for me.  I needed to begin to change the course of my life and actions in hopes of clearing these blocks for you, me and even grandma.
After loosing our business I've been searching for what else to do. I feel I'm being pushed  to be who I am and always have been, but just ignored. I decided that I would use the talents that I have <and that you share> to do some of the things I've always wanted to do but didn't think had any value. I decided to do them just for the sake of doing them. Not to sell, not to show, not for any other reason than the idea popped into my head.
In the past, the very near past, I would just shove those ideas aside, or think about doing them another time or sometime in the future, or never. So I decided I could change that. I would do what ever project came into my head right away. If it wasn't possible to do right this second, then I would start planning it. I would sketch it out or make a list of supplies.... and I've created many of the projects that I  have wanted to do for years. It feels amazing!  It feels like relief! To me, my crazy ideas just never had any value. The truth is that to every one around me they had no value. Until I let the ideas pour out. Until I let them become reality. Then everyone thinks they are the greatest, well at least interesting.  What is the most interesting to me, is that I feel like these ideas have been stoved up. Like they are my block. Almost like they have been clogging up my flow of energy. As I get them out of the way one by one, I have the sense that the life I want, the things I really want to do are now moving closer. As if I have to get through these allow the others in.
Abraham-Hicks always says "you can't get there from here". Meaning that if you are in a negative state of wanting something, desperate for it but not sure it can come, you can't jump right into being sure it can come and aligning with it. I thought I understood the idea. I thought it meant changing your feelings on a matter degree by degree until you feel good about it and can let it in, and I guess it does mean that. But in more concrete terms, it means that there are just certain things in your life that you MUST move through. You really can't get THERE from HERE. It would be like wanting to go across the street and sitting on the curb miserable that the other side doesn't come to you. It makes no sense, you simply have to walk over there one step at a time. I now know that I have to do each of these things to move toward what I want.
 
For me I have to and had to embrace my artist, my teacher, my medium. I have to face who I truly am and begin to live it unapologetically. I think it's easier for some of the people in our lives when we aren't who we are meant to be. It's uncomfortable for them. We are easier to manage when we just go along with what they are doing or want. When we claim ourselves our power begins to show and it's a little frightening for them. They are afraid they won't be a part of our lives if we step into our power. When you are writing or singing,when you are drawing and creating, you feel your power. You feel the inspiration and the universe flowing through you. That's real. In fact I'm beginning to think it's the only thing that is real. As I begin to do the little things that pop into my head and as I do them as they come, I feel more powerful ,more me. Even little things like going for a walk or doing my Chi Gong or breathing exercises. I have been making myself do them if the idea shows up. Even when I don't feel like it, especially when I don't feel like it. It seems to be helping me feel like things are flowing and like I CAN make things happen. That I can have what I want. Part of this is saying what I want and doing what I want in the moment. That's hard. We are both used to just giving over to what others want and need. In the end that's not good for anyone. The truth is that those around us that we care about need us to be at our most powerful. They need us to shine and show the way. They need our creativity, they need our flow. They are happiest when we are happy.

As I write I am looking at a sweet, thriving Black-eyed Susan. I planted it on right at the top of a "flower tower" that I made out of some stuff lying around the yard. I saw it....I made it! Looking at it makes me aware that I don't just have to catch a glimpse here and there of my soul or of my power. I can't look right at it. I can't cultivate it. I can enjoy it.
 
Writing this letter to you is one of those things that popped into my head and I decided to do. As I write I am sending the intention that you are freed by the flow that I am experiencing and creating.
I love you my black eyed girl.